we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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