just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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