Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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