How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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