Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
