I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
