I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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