I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
