I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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