I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
