You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
