I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
