All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
