You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
