Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
