I can text with my tongue
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
