and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
