I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
