you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
