Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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