I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
