if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
