oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have aggressive nipples.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
