mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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