I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
two words: eviction party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
