whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i drank out of a bidet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
