dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
