checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
