And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
