Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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