i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
