Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
