my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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