Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
