you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
