I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
