he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
