Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
