entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
