he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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