I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
