She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
