hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
