I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
