dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
