We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
