her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
