she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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