On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
