I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
