All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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