Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
