Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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