Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
